“Plenty of Fish”

I can still recall my first breakup, at the time he was the “love of my life”.  I was 18 years old and my mom comforted me by saying “don’t worry honey, there is plenty of fish out there for you to choose from”. When I think back, I think it was interesting that she would say those words…” plenty of fish”, I also remember thinking as right as she was, she was wrong. It was always easy for me to find a man (plenty of fish right?), but how easy was it to find someone I was compatible with or wanted to spend my time with?

About 30-something years later, you can actually find a dating site actually called “Plenty of Fish” or “POF”, it is one of many dating sites used in finding a partner/relationship, even a quick hook up I guess.  Dating can be very challenging in today’s day and age, I have found that it can change your belief system on what love really is.  With technology, comes change both good and bad, you have new dating sites popping up daily, free porn on the internet, and social media issues…for those new to dating, you may have no idea what I am talking about so prepare yourself.

Here are a few things I have learned from friends:

• I have female friends that will go on one date for lunch and a different one for dinner, making sure they are in other cities so the men don’t know.  Some girls may not be into a guy but because he’s paying for the fancy dinner and drinks it doesn’t matter, she’ll make the small talk and keep the “men” in order.   At some point, she will question “why can’t I find a real relationship?”
• Men are just as bad if not worse…I hear how they will send the same message to several women to see who bites on the line, not really caring of who the date is with but that they have a date.  After dinner, they are hoping for sex, until the next night when they throw out their line to a new group of ladies to see what they can catch.  Again, I hear “why can’t I find the right one and why does it have to be so difficult?”

I call the above examples of dating “filler” dating, it serves a purpose for both parties, women get free dinners and men get sex with no commitment.

Even when you find a quality person there are challenges that come about.  Getting off the dating sites may not be easy, it becomes a little addicting to see who is on the sites and interested in you.  Removing your profile means you will no longer get flirty and fun messages, who will feed your ego..are you really ready to let go of it all?  There is another aspect that the sites create and I hear this often “even though I met someone I really like, is there someone out there better for me?”  So the pool of men/women seems so large, with so many options, it leaves us in a place of doubt about a real relationship.  What happens if you find someone special and commit, then you see them back on the sites, this can create problems too.

So I have to ask, are people generally not happy even though happiness is what they are looking for? or Are there plenty of fish in this world so why settle, is a commitment that hard for people?

Please share your thoughts on this post as I’d love to hear what you think.